Monday, March 28, 2011

Sing Your Song of Self

In July, 3 years ago, I almost died by suffocating. Since, I've been afraid to live.
But bit by bit, remarkable people float into my life and sing alive some part of my smothered self.

Recently, I felt my heart return and open. I hadn't know it was closed or hidden away elsewhere. I thought it was protected, yes, but I hadn't felt it's absence. Classic case of you don't miss what you don't miss. Except I did feel a hole.

What helped? A hakomi session with the amazing Jaci Hull and the company of a remarkable lover. He is one of those few good men who just by how he is in the world calls forth my deepest and most naked self;-)

Now that I can feel everything again, I'm less inclined to be so democratic in my friendships. I still want to "see Jesus in everyone" as Sister Benedetta used to say. But until I know how to stay loving and open without taking in emotional radiation, I will be surrounding myself with people who are generous, good, balanced, creative and kind. Generosity is a value I prize more and more in my relationships. Without generosity, so much is absent--like safety.


It's like when you are recovering from being really sick and your immune system has been assaulted, you don't hang around people with flu and colds. Generosity is a natural immune booster. 



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